Choices, choices

I have mentioned that I never really planned my "dream wedding." I have hazy ideas based on things I've seen and don't want, and a gut feeling that a big traditional ceremony is not really my cup of tea.

Beyond that the only thing I have is a list of questions a mile long. I've even divided it into categories. I won't post it here to bore all of you (if you ask nicely I might show you), but it all boils down to:

????

Maybe with an exclamation points or two thrown in there.

And then what should arrive in the mail but an honest-to-goodness wedding binder made by my friend Lyndi, who has earned herself a spot as a bridesmaid (ok, she knew it previously, but now she's earned the right not to wear a pea green taffeta monstrosity). It didn't answer all my questions, but now at least I have a few ideas to run with.

I've also been looking for a list of wedding ideas NOT to do. Because all the "must haves" are getting a little ridiculous. I may have to start one myself. Feel free to provide examples.

Ridiculous Ideas #1

There are going to be a lot of ridiculous wedding ideas. I tend to get distracted easily, and
a little bit of silliness makes chores more fun. The best gems so far:

The Family Guy Theme
Invitations will say "Giggity" in calligraphy across the front, and invite everyone to honor us with their presence at our freakin' sweet ceremony. Groomsmen will wear red aloha shirts ala Quagmire, bridemaids will wear purple dresses with pregnant bellies like Bonnie. I will of course wear the teal shirt, khaki pants and hot pink shoes and Josh will wear a white shirt with green pants (and be allowed to put on, oh, 200 lbs or so). Oddly enough, Josh is the one who vetoed this idea.

Seven Years Bad Luck
We spent the weekend with friends who sympathize with planning a cheap wedding. After looking at a invitation that had pockets and a stamp with the photo of the couple, there was an epiphany. Why not do a chain letter invitation - we send them to six people and threaten them with imminent misfortune if they don't forward it to six other people.

Any ridiculous suggestions are strongly encouraged.

Yes, I said it: C-H-E-A-P

I can already hear the tsk-tsking. "Cheap has such bad connotations!" they'll say. "Use 'budget' or 'non-traditional' or 'bohemian' or people will think you're cheap."

Well phooey on all of you, I'm unemployed. This wedding is going to be cheap. Budget makes it sound like I'm only going a smidgen overboard, instead of morphing into a full-on Bridezilla, and I have a mortal fear of Bridezilla. She should be shot with a tranquilizer gun and forced to have a courthouse-with-barbecue-reception wedding.

But let me start at the beginning. Just to fill anyone in who has not heard the story and/or was not scared off by my disregard for their opinion: Josh and I got engaged a little over a month ago, shortly before graduation and impending unemployment, when life was rosier and jobs were possible. Now every article we read says "Worst Job Market in Years!" and every question we're asked is "When is the wedding?" Apparently it takes money to have a wedding, who knew? And neither of us have any, so if you'd like to donate to the fund... :)

Plus I was never the type of girl who made her Barbie and Ken get married and kiss and started her wedding binder at age 8. I'm pretty lost at this point, despite having gone to what feels like 100 weddings in the past two years (with more looming this summer), I guess I just didn't pay attention to the details. I just wanted to know if it was a finger food or a full meal deal. So now that I'm trying to plan an event for which you can buy entire planners devoted only to wedding checklists, or hire someone to do it all for you because it's just so overwhelming, I'm feeling a bit at sea.

Hah, maybe that should be the wedding theme (seriously? I have to have a theme? Can't people just show up and be happy for me?).