Paper and Polaroids

I'm a big believer in DIY - doing it yourself. And I have a strong apathy for flowers. They tend to give me allergies, they end up wilted and depressing. When these two traits met, I got the brilliant idea to make my own bouquet, especially after seeing this picture (from Offbeat Bride, of course, French Novel Bouquet).

I thought this would be perfect since I'm toying with some sort of book theme given that Josh and I are both kind of book nerds, and we met in college, etc etc. But my rose (made from the pages of an old New Yorker, I'm such a geek) didn't turn out as planned...

My next few tries turned out better, but they just don't have that "wedding bouquet" feel (as in, I think I'm going to feel really stupid carrying folded up New Yorkers down the aisle). But I think they might go good in a centerpiece, or as a favor. Oh well, live and learn. They're a lot of fun to make, though!

I am also am the proud owner of a Polaroid 660 camera! I have a similar apathy for guest books that I do for bouquets, with the addition of fearing that moment before a wedding when you're herded towards the satin-rosebud monstrosity and expected to think of heartfelt congratulations and advice within 30 seconds without holding up the line. So I wanted to take polaroid photos of the guests, let them write whatever their heart desires on them, and I can put them in an album later. I like to look at pictures, but I'd never look at a guest book. Of course, Polaroid camers haven't been made in years, so I thought I'd be scrounging around eBay until the last minute before my still unset wedding day.

Craigslist is a miracle. I found a camera in Tacoma for $6. That's not a typo. Josh's mom picked it up for me last night. It's a good thing its 500 miles away from me, or I'd be wasting the film playing with it right now. And yes, they actually still do make film for this model. Weird, right?

Fiance?

Fiance, to me, is a very strange term. It's awkward to say, sounds extremely snooty (look at me! look at me! I have a fiance!), and I'm afraid someone is going to do this to me:



So I call Josh my boyfriend even though I've been warned that people with traditional notions will take offense to it. How often do I get into deep discussions with extremely traditional people anyway? Especially about my wedding, I don't even want to get into it with them....

Purchases

I bought my dress today. After hours of my free time wasted browsing the internet, one finally jumped out at me. The relief is tinged with a distinct surprise at myself. I knew it had to have straps, after my loving mother sent me this picture, and I knew I didn't want a long dress despite its dance-move-disguising properties. And it was such a good deal I couldn't pass it up just because it was only available online (on the plus side, David's Bridal internet return policy is way better than their in-store return policy).

Also, I bought Josh a ring (we had a deal that he buys mine and I buy his, but I think I got the better end of that deal). Of course the ring was about 4 sizes too big. This is what happens when you shop on the internet, and part of the base of my dress nerves. At least it was only $25 (yay DiamondShark.com). At least now I know what to get next time. Anyone in the market for a size 11.5, Genuine Tungsten Carbide 7mm Dual Finish Domed Comfort Fit Mens Ring? I'll give ya a screamin' deal...

Inspired

Josh's mom got married this past weekend and I was so inspired. It was a beautiful, classy, small affair, and I have the sneaking suspicion she somehow stole all my unvocalized ideas. She has given me hope that I, too, can plan a wedding that is fun and low key and cheap-but-not-tacky. I wish that I had pictures to post, but it's just going to have to suffice to say that she captured the spirit of celebrating a marriage in a way I wish more people did.

I also briefly considered switching my dress search to a long version to disguise what a terrible dancer I am - Josh's mom had a long dress and she looked like she knew what she was doing on the dance floor. But then I realized she probably does know what she's doing, and that no length of skirt is going to teach Josh how to dance, either. So I'm sticking with my original idea - tea length dress and dance lessons.

Tattoo?

So, to be honest, I've been seriously considering a tattoo for quite a while, and have been putting it off mostly for monetary and job interview considerations. I finally found a job in Pullman (hooray! I'm at Heros & Sports, come down and visit sometime!) and my tip money has been burning a hole in my pocket. So obviously the tattoo is on my mind even more at the moment.

But current excuse for not going under the needle is the wedding. I don't care a whole lot about tradition and the wedding status quo, but neither do I want to look super-trashy. But check out this photo (its from Offbeat Bride, I have serious wedding envy, check it out: Classy and Heavily Inked).

I'm open to suggestions, opinions, and pictures.

On a Serious Note...

I suppose I've posted enough goofiness for the time being, I should actually write things down when decisions are actually made.

We tend to discuss the wedding when driving around town, which means we decide tiny things given that Pullman doesn't allow for a longer than five minute discussion.

So yesterday we (tentatively) decided on some music. This was all Josh's doing, I'm basically tone deaf and he loves music, so I feel this is a good division of labor.

He decided he wants Ray LaMontagne's "You Are the Best Thing" as our first dance, which is fine with me. When we first started dating he decided that Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" was our song, and we had an unspoken agreement that this would probably be our first dance. Except that, quite honestly, for a pair of not-very-good dancers, it would be kind of a challenge. At least with "You Are The Best Thing" you can bop around and be goofy (more my style).

But "I'm Yours" is still a very nice song, and so I suggested it would be a good walking-down-the-aisle song (especially since I hate the wedding march song, does anyone else hear "here comes the bride, all fat and wide" when that song starts up?). Then we kind of got into a topping each other's ideas war, and he suggested the groomsmen play the guitars for the processional (all his friends are musical too), and I said they should walk down the aisle with their guitars, and that any unmusical groomsmen could pick out a tune on the ukelele.

I think this was some pretty good decision making, except that I might have to bounce a little as I walk down the aisle - "I'm Yours" is a very peppy song.

Ray LaMontagne's song, for anyone who wants to check it out:

Brilliant Idea

Come on, who wouldn't love to go to a wedding where this was the promised ceremony?

"With dinner and dancing to follow."

I can almost hear my name being intoned as "Jiwwian."

Awesome.

A few readers may have noticed the month-long-or-more hiatus The Cheap Wedding has taken. Fear not, there is no trouble brewing in paradise. It’s just incredibly hard to plan anything that’s going to cost into the quadruple digits when one’s bank account is quickly reaching the single digits.

Yep, still unemployed, in less fancy terms.

Unfortunately, simultaneous to my unemployment was my obsession with destination weddings. They can sometimes cost less because no matter how much distant relations love you, they aren’t often willing to pay for a plane ticket to Jamaica to prove it and so your guest list is smaller. Of course, my tastes run a touch less fancy than Jamaica, and hopefully into the cheaper realm too.

I grew up on Maui and I’d love to go back – and not just for a wedding, of course. We still have friends and family back on the islands and they could possibly help me find cheaper venues, musicians, food, etc. And of course, not having to feed 100+ guests is certainly a perk. In fact, two friends who were married on Oahu a year ago (Happy Anniversary T&K!) only had about 30 guests.

Of course, not even old friends and close relatives can always get you a good deal on plane tickets and lodging for everyone (because its kind of expected that you at least help defray the costs of all that for your wedding party and possibly your close family, too). So that bumps the cheap wedding back up into the “out of my budget” range.

But either way, with my free time I have come up with some ideas:

• The aforementioned friends who were married on Oahu used this website, TreasuredMoment.com, and were very happy with it

• Since all venues on Hawaii are automatically nice simply because of their location, I was assured that a reception at a community hall or conference center would be affordable and not too tacky (I don't have anything against tacky, I only care about too tacky)
  

• There is a Costco on Maui, which equals cheap food and cheap flowers

• Back in the day I had some very musical friends. If they don’t want to perform, I’m sure they know or are related to musicians I could hire

• Just look at these pictures. You could get a high school student in an Intro to Photography class to take your wedding photos, and they’d still be beautiful

Ridiculous Ideas, Part 2

This installment of ridiculous ideas was brought to you by the same friend who came up with the chain letter invitation idea, but has since been caught fire with other friends who have recently been married or been to a wedding (which is approximately 99.9% of everyone I know).

The Hand-Me-Down Wedding:

It is what it sounds like - other recently-marrieds donate their unused or gently-used wedding items to me. I have already had offers of dresses, candles, ribbons, wrapping paper, and my favorite, invitations (with the previous details covered up by a post-it note with our details). All that's missing is an unused venue and some gently-used food.:-)

Wedding Traditions to Keep

Following my most recent post, I stumbled across this manifesto from the Offbeat Bride site, and now I feel terrible. I felt the need to add something positive to my list.

Traditions I'm OK with:

1. Large weddings. I personally don't want a large ceremony, but weddings are great places to meet new people. People at weddings tend to be extra friendly (maybe it's the champagne), so go ahead and invite every person you've met since kindergarten, their parents, and their dogs.
2. Flower petal/bird seed/bubble exits. It's cathartic to hurl things at the happy couple, because weddings are emotional events. Rice is a bad idea though (I like birds) and be nice with the bird seeds, that dress might have cost more than your house.
3. Open bars. Yes, alcohol is expensive and your wedding should be about starting you life with your soul mate, not getting your friends drunk, but we are all selfish creatures and like to be rewarded for driving god-only-knows how long with a rather espensive present.
4. Full meals. See #3. 'Nuf said.
5. Traditional ceremonies. Do what makes you happy. Don't do tradition just because you think you have to, but if that's what you want, I will gladly dress up and sit on a hard pew for you. Everyone secretly likes dressing up.
6. Make an entrance. Wedding receptions vary so widely these days, that sometimes guests don't know when things are starting, or if you're even there yet (especially if you're doing post-ceremony photos). Have an emcee announce your entrance - make it unique if you want.
7. Expensive cakes. No one is going to complain about a delicious cake. No one will complain about Costco sheet cake either, but if it's important to you, go for it.
8. The cake smash. Yes, this tradition is messy, can ruin make-up and dresses, and is childish. That's why I like it. It's playful and a nice break in the seriousness of the event. A little frosting nose-dab is a nice alternative, though.
9. The money dance. What's wrong with making a little money? Combine this with the father-daughter and mother-son dance and avoid all that sappy, boring stuff.

Also, please check out my new sidebar image, from Bride$hare.net. It's a great way to share decorations, rental fees, etc, with another couple if there were anyone else interested in my general area. So especially if you're in Washington State, please go check it out, for both our sakes.

Terrible Wedding Traditions

I want people to have fun at my wedding. I don't want them to speculate on whether I ruined my credit rating or sold a kidney to finance it, I don't want to try to out-do the latest celebrity wedding, and I don't want the term "princess" applied in any context. I have compiled a list of wedding don'ts as a guideline for myself as I plan.

1. Skip the 2-hour long ceremony. Folding chairs are really uncomfortable, and I'd bet money that even hard-bitten atheist pagans can recite 1st Corinthians 13 if they've been to as many weddings as I have. I know that all those special musics/scripture readings/candle lightings are to include relatives who will be sniffy if they don't get their moment in the spotlight, but maybe it is time to start retraining the way people think about weddings.
2. The puffy ballgown wedding dress. You look silly. Stop that.
3. Matchy-matchy attendants. This also looks silly, and can be humilating for bridesmaids with a body type wrong for the dress you chose. Also, the groomsmen look miserable in those sea-foam green tuxes. You are friends with these people for a reason, trust them to dress themselves for your wedding. Give them a color scheme, and move on.
4. No one is going to remember the flowers, ribbons, or antique lace decorations. Especially not at the ceremony, and especially not if you follow #1 and have a 10 minute ceremony. They'll have time to settle in and read their programs before being ushered to the reception, and won't even have time to judge the flora and fauna.
5. Take your pictures before the ceremony, except for any "whole group" photos, which will be a really awesome keepsake if you have a small wedding. The whole "it's bad luck if the groom sees the bride in her dress before the ceremony" is a load of crap, and we all know it. I have seen great wedding photos of the groom's first look at the bride, and how could you possibly get that shot during the ceremony?
6. Assigned seating. Oh my gosh, are we in grade school again? Let people pick who they want to sit next to. And let the significant others of the attendants sit with the wedding party. There's a good chance they don't know anyone at the wedding and they will not leave with happy memories if they end up sitting at a table all by themselves.
7. While on the topic of seating - the wedding party elevated throne seating. Ok, yes, it's your day. You got married, 90% of people get married, you were not elected as the new pope. Sit at a table level with everyone, with your family and wedding party. You are going to be up and down so much, don't worry about everyone getting to see you.
8. Socialize! You invited all these people to share your special day, now share it with them. Don't leave the reception early, no one remembers that old tradition about not leaving until the bride and groom leave. They'll sneak out if they want to. Also, your car is going to be defaced with toilet paper, tin cans, and window paint no matter when you leave. This is one of the only jobs the groomsmen have, they take it seriously. Let them have fun.
9. Tossing the bouquet and garter. Oh barf. The garter toss is a humiliating tradition for all invovled, and the bride possibly paid hundreds of dollars for her bouquet, and now you want her to toss it into a crowd of emotional women under the pressure of remaining single? I hated being shoved into that crowd, and there is no way I am making anyone else do this.

I've had a lot of 2-hour long ceremonies to sit through and form this list.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

You must, must, MUST read TackyWeddings.com. I have been staring at wedding websites all weekend and this is the only one that made me laugh. I also found Style Me Pretty, which is a bit on the girly/out-of-my-budget side, but there is a great DIY section. So the overwhelming cutesy of Style Me Pretty was nicely balanced by the terror that is TackyWeddings.com, and my weekend had a good balance. Yin and yang.

The problem with great ideas is that there are so many I like, and if I used them all the wedding would quickly turn into a frightening hodge-podge of coffee beans, bread baskets, and tiny hand-made boxes. And then I stop and realize I'm obsessing and I scare myself. I'm wracking up a great list of "What Not to Do"s though.

Step 1: The Budget

I have hours a day to spend on the internet, and I've done my research. If you want to get married and have no money, the first thing you do is make a budget. But I don't know anything about weddings and had no idea what to budget for. God bless the internet though, because I found a budget online, an excel sheet with built in formulas, just what my OCD loves, and spent the weekend playing with it: WeddingPlanningOnABudget.

Now I'm scared.

The budget did indeed confirm that we could probably have a fun and classy-enough wedding (as in, not serving pizza at the reception) for $3000. That's approximately infinity times more money that either of us have because both of us are unemployed and, in this job market, unemployable. So...anyone have a job two broke college-grads could do? We are excellent weeders, not afraid of manual labor, and motivated by impending poverty.;)

New Favorite Website

In what is starting to feel like my eternal search for resources, I stumbled across OffbeatBride.com.

I've found a new way to waste hours at a time.

Not only that, it is basically supporting all my possibly hare-brained schemes. Like letting my bridesmaids wear whatever dress they want (within a color scheme). Look, there are even pictures! Doesn't that look nice? Don't the bridesmaids look happy? It also solves the problem of etiquette dictating I at least help pay for dresses if I'm going to insist they all wear $500 creations, because now they can shop at Goodwill for all I care. I'll gladly finance half the cost of a Goodwill dress.:-)

To beat the summer heat, I wandered into Barnes & Noble today. I just wanted to see if they carried the Offbeat Bride book, which they didn't, but they had about a million wedding planner books. Just books of lists. I love lists, but it was overwhelming. It was also ironic that a lot of the "How to Plan a Wedding on a Budget" books all said not to buy wedding books. I guess they were betting on most people buying the books and then reading them, but I'm a cheapskate so I skim books before buying.

I came away from the whole experience with one question: if you have a destination wedding, how do you get all the crap to your destination? The wedding dress (and accessories) is going to take up at least one suitcase. Do you FedEx all the reception favors, etc, to yourself?

Choices, choices

I have mentioned that I never really planned my "dream wedding." I have hazy ideas based on things I've seen and don't want, and a gut feeling that a big traditional ceremony is not really my cup of tea.

Beyond that the only thing I have is a list of questions a mile long. I've even divided it into categories. I won't post it here to bore all of you (if you ask nicely I might show you), but it all boils down to:

????

Maybe with an exclamation points or two thrown in there.

And then what should arrive in the mail but an honest-to-goodness wedding binder made by my friend Lyndi, who has earned herself a spot as a bridesmaid (ok, she knew it previously, but now she's earned the right not to wear a pea green taffeta monstrosity). It didn't answer all my questions, but now at least I have a few ideas to run with.

I've also been looking for a list of wedding ideas NOT to do. Because all the "must haves" are getting a little ridiculous. I may have to start one myself. Feel free to provide examples.

Ridiculous Ideas #1

There are going to be a lot of ridiculous wedding ideas. I tend to get distracted easily, and
a little bit of silliness makes chores more fun. The best gems so far:

The Family Guy Theme
Invitations will say "Giggity" in calligraphy across the front, and invite everyone to honor us with their presence at our freakin' sweet ceremony. Groomsmen will wear red aloha shirts ala Quagmire, bridemaids will wear purple dresses with pregnant bellies like Bonnie. I will of course wear the teal shirt, khaki pants and hot pink shoes and Josh will wear a white shirt with green pants (and be allowed to put on, oh, 200 lbs or so). Oddly enough, Josh is the one who vetoed this idea.

Seven Years Bad Luck
We spent the weekend with friends who sympathize with planning a cheap wedding. After looking at a invitation that had pockets and a stamp with the photo of the couple, there was an epiphany. Why not do a chain letter invitation - we send them to six people and threaten them with imminent misfortune if they don't forward it to six other people.

Any ridiculous suggestions are strongly encouraged.

Yes, I said it: C-H-E-A-P

I can already hear the tsk-tsking. "Cheap has such bad connotations!" they'll say. "Use 'budget' or 'non-traditional' or 'bohemian' or people will think you're cheap."

Well phooey on all of you, I'm unemployed. This wedding is going to be cheap. Budget makes it sound like I'm only going a smidgen overboard, instead of morphing into a full-on Bridezilla, and I have a mortal fear of Bridezilla. She should be shot with a tranquilizer gun and forced to have a courthouse-with-barbecue-reception wedding.

But let me start at the beginning. Just to fill anyone in who has not heard the story and/or was not scared off by my disregard for their opinion: Josh and I got engaged a little over a month ago, shortly before graduation and impending unemployment, when life was rosier and jobs were possible. Now every article we read says "Worst Job Market in Years!" and every question we're asked is "When is the wedding?" Apparently it takes money to have a wedding, who knew? And neither of us have any, so if you'd like to donate to the fund... :)

Plus I was never the type of girl who made her Barbie and Ken get married and kiss and started her wedding binder at age 8. I'm pretty lost at this point, despite having gone to what feels like 100 weddings in the past two years (with more looming this summer), I guess I just didn't pay attention to the details. I just wanted to know if it was a finger food or a full meal deal. So now that I'm trying to plan an event for which you can buy entire planners devoted only to wedding checklists, or hire someone to do it all for you because it's just so overwhelming, I'm feeling a bit at sea.

Hah, maybe that should be the wedding theme (seriously? I have to have a theme? Can't people just show up and be happy for me?).