Terrible Wedding Traditions

I want people to have fun at my wedding. I don't want them to speculate on whether I ruined my credit rating or sold a kidney to finance it, I don't want to try to out-do the latest celebrity wedding, and I don't want the term "princess" applied in any context. I have compiled a list of wedding don'ts as a guideline for myself as I plan.

1. Skip the 2-hour long ceremony. Folding chairs are really uncomfortable, and I'd bet money that even hard-bitten atheist pagans can recite 1st Corinthians 13 if they've been to as many weddings as I have. I know that all those special musics/scripture readings/candle lightings are to include relatives who will be sniffy if they don't get their moment in the spotlight, but maybe it is time to start retraining the way people think about weddings.
2. The puffy ballgown wedding dress. You look silly. Stop that.
3. Matchy-matchy attendants. This also looks silly, and can be humilating for bridesmaids with a body type wrong for the dress you chose. Also, the groomsmen look miserable in those sea-foam green tuxes. You are friends with these people for a reason, trust them to dress themselves for your wedding. Give them a color scheme, and move on.
4. No one is going to remember the flowers, ribbons, or antique lace decorations. Especially not at the ceremony, and especially not if you follow #1 and have a 10 minute ceremony. They'll have time to settle in and read their programs before being ushered to the reception, and won't even have time to judge the flora and fauna.
5. Take your pictures before the ceremony, except for any "whole group" photos, which will be a really awesome keepsake if you have a small wedding. The whole "it's bad luck if the groom sees the bride in her dress before the ceremony" is a load of crap, and we all know it. I have seen great wedding photos of the groom's first look at the bride, and how could you possibly get that shot during the ceremony?
6. Assigned seating. Oh my gosh, are we in grade school again? Let people pick who they want to sit next to. And let the significant others of the attendants sit with the wedding party. There's a good chance they don't know anyone at the wedding and they will not leave with happy memories if they end up sitting at a table all by themselves.
7. While on the topic of seating - the wedding party elevated throne seating. Ok, yes, it's your day. You got married, 90% of people get married, you were not elected as the new pope. Sit at a table level with everyone, with your family and wedding party. You are going to be up and down so much, don't worry about everyone getting to see you.
8. Socialize! You invited all these people to share your special day, now share it with them. Don't leave the reception early, no one remembers that old tradition about not leaving until the bride and groom leave. They'll sneak out if they want to. Also, your car is going to be defaced with toilet paper, tin cans, and window paint no matter when you leave. This is one of the only jobs the groomsmen have, they take it seriously. Let them have fun.
9. Tossing the bouquet and garter. Oh barf. The garter toss is a humiliating tradition for all invovled, and the bride possibly paid hundreds of dollars for her bouquet, and now you want her to toss it into a crowd of emotional women under the pressure of remaining single? I hated being shoved into that crowd, and there is no way I am making anyone else do this.

I've had a lot of 2-hour long ceremonies to sit through and form this list.